What's a plot?
by pink hardcore
Summary: 'Tribute' to all those none plot stories *cough* MARY SUE'S *cough*. Won't be updated. Lack of inspiration/motivation.
1. Chapter 1: Meet Katie and Amy, and Katie...

What's a plot?  
  
A/N: This bassicly goes out to all the stories out there who don't have a plot *cough* MARY-SUE'S *cough*. I will write a parody on all cliché stories, so help me out here ;)  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, not even the Mary Sue ones. The others belong to the great writer Tolkien.  
  
Story 1: Girls getting transported to Middle-Earth  
  
One day, Amy and Katie were in Amy's room, counting their Orlando Bloom posters. "Like, I have three more then you! Not to mention, I've got one where he wears nothing but boxers." Katie glared at Amy. How dare she insult her so badly? "Like, I have two more Elijah Wood posters, so we're even" Katie folded her arms and seemed to be rather upset. All of a sudden, there is a ray of ligt, and suddenly, a whole flash of light. From that moment on, Katie and Amy rememberred nothing.  
  
Katies POV  
  
Like, we were in Amy's room, right? And all of a sudden this big flashy light appears! At first, I thought that maybe it was because of my flashy smile, with my pearly teath, but then again, I'm like, somewhere else and Amy isn't here. I don't know where I am, but I'm in a scary big forest, with trees all over me. I hope I'm like, having a nightmare. Just as I thought I'd be save here, I saw this big, ugly-like creature, growling all over! Oh boy, he starts coming my way!! "No, stop yanking my hair, I've just sprayed it for three hours, and made it hurricane proove!" I thought that I was gonna die, as the creature stabbed me in my shoulder. And like, then I saw this hero-like creature, with his long blond hair, and his God-like face. He killed the ugly creature, and took me in his arms.  
  
Legolas' POV  
  
Her hair was blond, she had the biggest boobs ever, and she was as skinny as Callista Flockheart. Which man could resist someone like her. She had the bluest eyes, and her smile was breathtaking. She was perfect. All of a sudden, her wound was healed. "How come your wound is healed?" "I don't know, probably because I have magic powers which I now magicly discover." Oh no. Symptone number 2, magic powers. Oh no, this couldn't be.. No, please! A fangirl, Mary-Sue, whatever you call them, I'm screwed! Now she'll be all over me untill I give up and marry her and make her the princess of Mirkwood. Well, I'll take her to the councill, and ask if they have some solution to these fangirls. I've already gave three to Faramir, but they didn't want him, saying that 'The Two Towers' wasn't out yet, so they didn't knew who he was. Frankly, I think they need serious help.  
  
On the other hand, as much as I tried to hate her, the girl was intruging. Suddenly, I felt the urge to kiss her... No! I've been through this before, and I know I can fight this! She's probably using her perfectness to make me kiss her. Control yourself Legolas, control. She's nothing but a brainless bimbo.  
  
Suddenly, she stood up, showing off her perfect ass. "I'm like, so hot!", she said, with an annoying and whiney voice, though it seemed perfect all at once. Oh my.. she suddenly took of her clothes. This is it! I can't help it. Don't blame me, you would've done the same, yes, even if you were a girl, or gay. I'd love to hate her, but I can't. Suddenly, I felt like going into trance, all I remember is having rough sex... God, I hate her.  
  
A/N: Short chapter! Next one will be up soon, though. Read and review! I'd love that. 


	2. Chapter 2: The one where Amy lands in M-...

CHAPTER 2: What's a plot?  
  
A/N: No offence to girls who are called Katie or Amy, this is just a story to make fun of Mary Sue's with no plot. Thanks for the two reviews! So here's chapter two. Amy suddenly appears when a black rider is after Frodo and his friends, this part is movie based, but after The Fellowship breaks, I'm gonna have it book based (duh!) Read and Review.  
  
Amy's POV  
  
I don't know what happened, but I saw this big, flashy light, but I thought that it was the boy next door Derek, who like, tries to take pictures of me like, everytime! But now, I'm all alone and it's dark, I'm in this kinda forest thingie. I heard some screeches, and I saw these 4 little people on the ground, terrified. "Like, what's wrong with you guys?"  
  
Frodo's POV We were laying on the ground, trying to not be seen by those Blackriders, when all of a sudden, this brainless, human girl starts talking. She wore, well, nothing really, and she had an well shaped body. Her long, curly brown hair, coverred half of her back. She was... perfect. "Get down!", Sam said and tried to protect her from those Blackriders. "Like, hello, if anyone is going to protect me, it's gonna be big-blue eyed guy over there! Get your fat ass off of me!" She meant me with 'big-blue eyed guy.. Sigh. Sam got off of her and seemed dissapointed. She crawled over to me, and she looked like she was scarred. I gazed into her big green eyes, and felt the sudden urge to make out with her. She seemed fammiliar... Oh no! It couldn't be! She had the same effect on me as Tracey had, a couple of days ago! Tracey had almost convinced me to stay in the Hobbiton, but I didn't give in! She was evil itself, and I got rid of her, because Merry 'accidently' pushed her off a cliff. "Frodo, I'm so scarred! Please, hold me.", she whisperred softly. "How did you know my name?", I asked, I mean, how could she have known? "Maybe because I can read your thoughts, which I know all of a sudden discover." Oh no. Tracey had the abbility to appear in another form, like a cat.. Is this some kind of new race or something? This is rather scarry. She's so beautiful.. I want to feel her soft lips on mine. OH GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!!  
  
Suddenly, the Blackrider appeared out of nowhere, and we were all scarred. The girl stood up, and glared at the Blackrider. "You will like, not hurt my friends! I'm like, not scarred at all! Go away, before I crush you into jelly!" The Blackrider didn't reply. Instead, she started showing off the best fighting skills I had ever seen. The Blackrider backed away, and rode off. Wow, how perfect can anyone be? "Like, we must go to Buckleberry Ferry! Now!" "How do you know that?", Sam asked. "Like, isn't that obvious? I've been to Lord of the Rings like, three times, 'cause Elijah Wood plays in it!" I didn't knew what she was talking about, but somehow, I trusted her and the other Hobbits too.  
  
We ran as fast as we could, and she stopped, to sacrifice herself so we wouldn't be caught by the Blackriders. "Run!", she added, and we ran as fast as our Hobbit legs could carry us. We already gave up hoping that this perfect creauture had survived. Her effect seemed to fade away from all of us, and we started talking about this girl you'd love to hate. We finally came to the stage, where we didn't even cared about her being allive or not. But then, she came running to us, and though we already drifted about 60 feet away from the crossing, she managed to jump on. How could that happen? We felt the effect coming back, and suddenly I felt overprotected, and I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her that everything would be okay. "Tell us about your fight with the Blackriders Miss..." "Amy" she interrupted Merry. Amy... Her name sounded Angelic. "Like, they surrounded me, and I didn't know what to do. Luckily, I always have my hairspray with me, and I sprayed it in their eyes Teehee. Plus, I showed off my fighting skills." Pippin was drooling all over her. It was quiet for a moment, Merry was peddling, when we heard a raw voice. "I'm not a girl.... Not yet a woman!!" Her voice was raspy and untrained... No wait, now hearing it, it's perfect in every way imaginable. She seemed to amaze me in everythng she did... NO! MUST FIGHT IT!!  
  
"STOP IT!!",I yelled. They all watched me, and Amy looked hurt. "Like, Frodo, if you have a problem with me, just say so, and I'll be gone in a sec!" She started sobbing and Sam was comforting her. "How dare you be so mean, partypooper!", Pippin said. The only one who agreed with me, was Merry, the perfect girl seemed to have no effect on him, maybe a little, 'cause he looked at her with compassion, though he didn't glare at me, like Sam and Pippin did. I felt guilt for treating her like this. I don't know why, because on the other hand, I hated her, but I just couldn't... She was so sweet and so nice. So perfect.  
  
The rest of the trip remained quiet. Pippin and Sam tried to hit on Amy, but she seemed to only stare blankly ahead, and when they asked her what was wrong, she told them about this Katie girl. Great. It sounded as another fangirl.. Crap. Right now, the ring wasn't the main thing on my mind.. It was this horrible, yet loveable girl, who was trying to hit on me now...  
  
She sat next to me, and asked me what was wrong. I almost wanted to answer "you" but I didn't want another sappy hour of sobbing and screaming. I said that I was sorry, and when we arrived at the nearest crossing, she pushed me in some bushes.  
  
"Like, I'm sorry Frodo, but I've loved you the moment I saw you." She gazed deep into my eyes, though she had to bent far over. I didn't want to kiss her, but suddenly I needed to feel her oh so soft lips, I don't know why though. We started making out, untill Sam caught us and started fighting with me. "You want me motherfucker? Then come and get me", he said. "Stop it, Sam! Why are you being, like, so mean! My life is so misserable." With that, she ran away, with Sam following her. I felt relieved that the bitch was gone, but I had the feeling, she was coming back. Damn.  
  
A/N: I know this wasn't that funny, next chapter will be hopefully. Give me a review, it's my addiction, my drug, whatever. Just do it :p 


	3. The one where Katie seduces 'Leggie' eve...

Chapter 3  
  
A/N: So, back to Katie. What will she do next? Read and review.  
  
Legolas POV  
  
Fuck. Major fuck. You know, right now it has two meanings, if you get me. I got some last night, but hey, I don't remember a thing. When we were done with 'it', I only remember her rambling on and on like a friggin' chicken. I can tell you, you don't want to be in my shoes. All she does, is talk talk and oh, afcourse, talk. The bitch is gone now, looking for some wood, so we can make a fire. She annoys me, with her perfectness. When I told her I was the prince of Mirkwood, she was all over me, even more then before. Bad move, smartass. Here she comes, and she carries much more wood then an ordinary man can carry, but hey, isn't she perfect? Her body is so... No! Mustn't think that! Think about something else.. Anything else!! How about, we're going to Rivendell, Elrond. Think about Elrond naked! Never mind, that's disgusting... How about Arwen? What's the use, she's nothing comparred to Katie.  
  
Katie  
  
Tee-Hee. I'm like, sooo happy right now. Even though I'm in another world, with someone I don't even know, I'm just sure I'm gonna make it. Legolas is kinda ignorring me after last night. Like, when I sang a serenade about my life, he said nothing. Like, hello! I'm the next Britney Spears. It's so obvious that he wants me like, right now. He has this weird look- thingie in his eyes. Like, he wants me all over again.  
  
Legolas POV  
  
I looked at her amazed. I didn't hate her, or thought that she was a bitch, she was everything and more you could ever want. She kneeled down next to me, and looked into my eyes. She said something with at least 3 'like's in it, but I don't remember what. "Like, Legolas, hello, would you listen? I'm gonna make some fire, like, right now and I need some help, you try first." I tried, and tried, but it wouldn't work. Crap, I wanted to show off my manly skills. Just when I almost had it, she pointed with her finger and mumbled something, and there was the most huge and beautiful fire ever. It was gold, even though a fire could never be gold, it didn't make sense but so did Katie.  
  
"It would be nice if we had two horses, since we would reach Rivendell much quicker then." When I just said that, Katie made some weird movements with her hands, and all of a sudden, the most beautiful horses ever appeared, with silver hair, and grey fur. Wow. What can't she do?  
  
"Like, you mean, like this."  
  
"Oh, so now you want me to give you credit and kiss you passionately, like all these girls expect, right?"  
  
"Like, duh, isn't that obvious."  
  
"It ain't gonna happen you hear! I'm... GAY! G-A-Y, okay? I do think you're pretty, but in a way that I want to look like you! Why do you think I'd have blond beautiful hair, huh? Listen honey, why don't you wait 'till we reach Rivendell, and hit on friggin' Elrond, or Elladan, I don't care!"  
  
There was an awkward silence. She stared at me with big puppy-dog eyes. "Like, who's Elladan?"  
  
Oh brother... "Let me guess, you haven't seen 'The Two Towers' yet? You girls are really original."  
  
"Does he, like, plays in it?"  
  
"How the heck should I know?"  
  
Another silence. "Aren't you, like bisexual? A lot of guys in their puberty, like struggle with the idea of being gay.."  
  
"I'm not in my puberty, honey, I'm an ELF! I know my sexuality!"  
  
"Oh yeah?!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
'Then know your sexuality this, mister!"  
  
She kissed me, and it felt amazing. Dejá vouz again. We started kissing, and I couldn't stop, I wanted to, but I couldn't. I thought that she would buy the gay thing. Darn. Suddenly, I stopped kissing her. "I don't even know you! Would you cut it out, please?"  
  
"What if I say, like, no?", she said, seducingly.  
  
"Then I might have to hit you."  
  
"Can't you see, Leggie." Leggie?  
  
"It's no use, there's no point of, like, fighting me. I'm invincible."  
  
"No you're not, no one can stand me linedancing, and singing live to!"  
  
"Like, try me"  
  
I sang my heart out, and danced as bad as I could. Instead of booing at me, she applauded. Damn, no one could stand me doing that, not even Tiffany. She was the most powerfull Mary Sue ever. I'm doomed. Oh well. "We shall travel to Rivendell, and we won't stop untill we arrive!", I said as powerfull as I could. "Like, whatever you want, Leggie." I needed Elrond's councill, and I needed it now. I got on my horse, and instead of Katie following me, I followed her because she was much faster, afcourse. Damn, I'm doomed...  
  
A/N: Got ya there! You thought Legolas was gay, haha! Anyway, I know, the chapter was really boring, I didn't have much inspiration, sorry. Hopefully, chapter 4 will be kick-ass, Strider will be appearing, so stay tuned for the next chapter and hit the review button! Thanx for all the reviews, I feel, like, sooo special lol. 


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